You lay still, feeling an ache through your entire body. You don’t quite remember what it was the doctors said happened. In a way it doesn’t matter exactly what it is. Loved ones surround the hospital bed, whispering their worries to each other. Occasionally the group is pierced by a doctor or nurse, coming to check on you, before retreating away with a stern look across their face.
You are recovering, slowly. Yet you can’t seem to parse the faces of the people who sit next to you crying. They keep coming to see you, day after day, but less and less return every day. Eventually you are left with a few who look on you with worried eyes. They want something from you that you can’t give. They ask questions that you simply do not know the answer to.
After a few weeks, one of the doctors says you can go home. But where is home. You only remember a haze with a few windows and a door. You wouldn’t be able to find it on a map, let alone claim that it ever actually existed. Yet these people claimed how important it was for you to come with them. That you would get better in time. That you would remember.
They discharged you, and sent you off in the back of a car being driven by someone who is a stranger to you. You look out the window at the sights and sounds, astounded by all you can see. You arrive home and the blur in your head that was all you could remember of it seems to solidify. But do you want it to solidify? All of those sights and sound you saw out there, and they wanted you to stay in these four walls so you could get better.
You lay awake in a bed they called yours, staring out a window, wondering just how much you had forgotten.
What was the point of trying to remember the old when there was so much new out there to be explored? You quietly shuffled through draws and closets, fumbling around for thing you might need out in a world that you don’t really know. You aren’t sure if that would have scared the old you, that vast unknown, but you knew that now it excited you.
Maybe you will meet them all again, without all the baggage. You left the old you behind, and were ready to begin again.
You get out of bed the next morning still exhausted. You couldn’t sleep a wink. Trying to begin again was taking its toll, but had you really even tried. You went through the motions as they all came to visit you in the hospital, and to bring you back here, but if you really wanted to know them again it would take more than that.
“Good morning how did you sleep,” Someone asked you as you wandered into the kitchen. It sounded as though it was the first thing to have managed to reach you in an eon. For a moment it was as though you recognised them. But it wasn’t that, it was that you wanted to recognise them, and that would take time, but you were ready to start.